Every 10 Minutes
Or, writing what you're angry about
I didn’t know I was going to sit down and write this post today, but I was listening to my morning news podcast and they shared the UN report that just came out that every 10 minutes, a woman or girl is killed by their intimate partner or a family member.
Every. 10. Minutes.
“Globally, 85,000 women and girls were killed intentionally in 2023. 60 per cent of these homicides –51,100- were committed by an intimate partner or a family member. The data shows that 140 women and girls die every day at the hands of their partner or a close relative, which means one woman or girl is killed every 10 minutes.” (UN report)
I wrote my novel about dating violence, Bad Romance, because I was furious about what had happened to me as a high schooler in love and scared it would happen to other girls - I wanted my book to be the warning I never had (or refused to listen to). This led me to eventually becoming the program director of Rebecca Dykes Writers, which was founded by Jane Houng, a good friend and writing classmate whose daughter was brutally murdered by her Uber driver in 2018. We do really good work, helping women heal through words and write stories about trauma for young people.
Almost every female writer I work with is a survivor of some form of gender-based violence, myself included. It runs the spectrum from the confusing and not okay to their very lives being threatened. Some of the women I’ve worked with have lost their sisters or daughters to femicide.
This is real and it’s happening to you or to the people you love.
So what do we do about it?
Men reading this: PLEASE STEP UP. Teach other men and boys to be tender, speak up when sexist jokes or comments are made, fight against pornography that teaches men that violence is sexy. Please don’t ever say “get ‘er done.” Make it your job to fight against the epidemic of violence and death affecting the women in your communities. Ask the women in your family to tell you their stories. Please stop seeing this as a woman’s issue. It’s an everyone issue. You are harmed by this violence. Your own kindness and sweetness and goodness has been co-opted by a culture that hates women. Please do your part. We are tired and scared and grieving and we can’t do this alone.
Women reading this: Your story matters. You’re reading this because you’re a writer. Please know you are not alone and that so many other women are hurting and reaching out and seeking ways to heal and to protect others. I recommend this book as a good starting point and this book. We use both of these at Rebecca Dykes Writers. You deserve therapy and safety and to be heard and believed. We are working hard at RDW to create a space where women can come together for this necessary work of healing and activism. Join our newsletter to stay up to date, and please consider coming to our retreat in 2025 - we have scholarships!
Write what you’re angry about. Maybe it’s femicide or gender-based violence or something else entirely. Use words to heal yourself and then allow those words to become medicine for others. I always tell my writers to write what they’re angry about, as I did in this recent post. It’s cathartic, it’s urgent, and it makes for great writing because it is fueled with your holy fury. It resonates with readers because you’re asking the questions they have, saying the things they can’t or don’t dare to say. It's brave. You will always learn, grow, and heal when you write from this place, but do take care of yourself. Have support on hand and be good to yourself.
Remember: They didn’t burn witches. They burned women.
I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of our lives being on the chopping block. I’m tired of rape being a weapon of war, whether it’s in a home or on a battlefield.
You deserve to live. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to know that you matter.
A Request
If you have the means, please consider donating to the Rebecca Dykes Writers Fund.
This goes toward scholarships for writers to come to our retreats at the incredible Highlights Retreat Center in Honesdale, PA. (Yes, that Highlights!).
These are POWERFUL gatherings where we tell our stories, find healing through words, and create community that lasts long after the retreat. These retreats create a foundation for the stories that need to be heard by our writers’ future readers. It helps instill courage and connection among women who have been deeply harmed.
Our goal is to end femicide one word at a time.
We have found that the women that most need these retreats do not have the means to attend. Most of our writers come through generous grants and scholarships.
You can read more about the impact of our last retreat on scholarship recipients here.
I just made a donation in honor of this UN report. Perhaps yours will be in honor of yourself, the women in your lives, or Becky Dykes.
Whatever you can give, please know that it will help a woman’s words to have a ripple effect on her family, community, and the readers she shares her story with. Words have the power to help others feel seen.
I wish all of you safety this holiday season-
