Radical Acceptance
Throw your sweet starfish out there.
“All the monsters are coming back.”
“Why?”
“There’s no one to stop them.”
There was silence for a moment.
“There’s me,” said Tiffany.
- The Wee Free Men, Terry Pratchett (Disc World / Tiffany Aiking Book #1)
Dearest Camerados!
Happiest of Junes to you. Weird month, right? June always feels like one of those months I can’t quite put my finger on. I’m from California originally and we always had “June gloom” because of the El Niño weather system, which bummed out the tourists. Most days were cloudy - so the the Cali brand.
This month is such a transitional time, with school ending for so many, summer beginning, everything a bit hazy. Does anyone else ever feel like June is kind of wonky? Like you’re finding your summer fins?
If you’re feeling that way, just know you’re not alone.
Who’s doing my little Cloud Dweller challenge this summer that I mentioned in my last post? ☁︎☁︎ I feel like June has major Cloud Dwelling vibes.
For me, I’ve been cloud dwelling by getting more picture books from the library, reading the Tiffany Aiking books for the first time, and loving the new Soul Tarot deck and book by Lindsay Mack. Her whole way of approaching the tarot is deeply resonant with how I work with my therapy and coaching clients, the art is gorgeous, and my pulls have been wildly spot-on. I mean, like, WHOA. I’ve been waiting for this deck for two years, so when it came in I couldn’t wait and it has not dissapointed.
Starfish, Monsters, and a Frying Pan
When I was taking my wee break on Tybee Island, GA a few weeks ago, I came across that little starfish in the picture at the top of the post. Magic! I instantly had to scoop them up and place them back in the ocean, with the hope they’d survive. I knew if I didn’t, there was no way they’d get back into the water they’d need to keep thriving. My husband was delighted when I told him because, apparently, there’s a story he and his ELL students read about a kid who is on a beach where thousands of starfish wash up. The child is methodically putting as many as he can back into the water and an older man observing him asks what the point of this is—there are way too many to save. What difference will it make. And the child says, “It makes a difference to this one,” as he throws a starfish back into the sea.
I’ve thought a lot about my little starfish and that story as it relates to writing and also to working with writers, especially in These Times. I think about what it means to be creative and the acts of creativity we put out into the world. The things we do that we will never know the outcome of. Usually. I mean, occasionally you get an email and that’s amazing. Mostly, you never know the impact, the ripple effect. It can make you think: what’s the point? Why bother?
This morning I got excited because the Zen Master and I are talking about producing theatre together again. There’s something in the works. I don’t know if it will happen, but if it does…eek! (We met in theatre school…he asked for my number after I rocked a monologue from Stringberg’s Miss Julie.) People (Chalamet, etc.) say the theatre is dead. There are a million obstacles to making theatre. I know because we used to have a theatre company in Hollywood. (I have lived many lives). Here’s the thing:
We have to keep throwing the starfish into the water.
This is where the DBT skill of Radical Acceptance comes in. I did a post about it on my therapist instagram.
We radically accept that we will never know the impact of our writing. And we keep writing anyway.
Which leads me to….
I missed out on some pretty important children’s books as a wee lass because I grew up Evangelical and wasn’t allowed to read about witches. Fantasy was out. So imagine everyone’s surprise when I wrote a fantasy trilogy for HarperCollins. It’s been a delight discovering fantasy, from reading Harry Potter in my freshman dorm at the University of Southern California to receiving a box set of the Tiffany Aiking books as a graduation present from friends this past month.
TIFFANY IS MY SHERO! I’m only on the first book and already love her so much. The quote I shared at the top of the post is canon for me already. I think it will help through these dark times. I hope it helps you.
All the monsters are coming back.
There’s no one to stop them.
But there’s us.
There has always been us. The storytellers are the ballast for the people in such times. I know it’s not popular to be a Russophile, but I am one - and that does not mean I support Russia or Putin or autocracy dear god let’s not be stupid. I’m part Slav and I have a Russian novel or a book about Russia by my bed pretty much at all times. Right now it’s Motherland by Julia Ioffe (so excellent, all female slavs rejoice!). Now more than ever, I turn to the writers who were writing under Stalin (Pasternak, whom Stalin called a “cloud dweller” and did not send to the gulags because of that…) because they know what it’s like to write under duress, under danger, under autocracy and fascism.
They know what it’s like to write when they have skin in the game.
Part of radical acceptance as a writer in These Times and being a cloud dweller in These Times is understanding the stakes, yes, and asking if you can radically accept them: yes, I am a writer. Yes, this is a dangerous thing. Yes, I accept the terms, however stupid and unfair they are.
I will never know my impact. (re: starfish)
I may be punished for what I write.
What I write might hurt me and the people I love.
What I write might help someone or a lot of someones.
Writing is my calling and this is a time to answer our callings. (re: Tiffany Aiking)
I am going to decide to radically accept this dialectic: I am scared and I am brave.
Tiffany Aiking has her frying pan. We have our pens. Both are powerful weapons against monsters.
Yours in doing right by the miracle,
P.S.
Feeling overwhelmed by your book and need some help?
While I’m building my therapy caseload this summer, I have some time take on one manuscript critique each month. Hit me up! I’m ready for a book for June, one for July, and one for August. Email me here. (I did not pose Luna. I turn my back for one second and she jumped in. No Devon Rexes were harmed in the taking of this photograph. 😹)
The Zen Master gave his first official dharma talk recently! It’s kind of like a Buddhist sermon. It rocked. It’s called, “Wandering Boundless and Free” and is based on this ancient poem that he’s obsessed with called the Hsin-Hsin Ming. I wanted to share it because I feel like what he’s talking about aligns with Radical Acceptance and how to work with the challenges of These Times. Also, I’m hella proud of him!
I’ll be putting out a newsletter through my therapy practice around the 15th (or so) of every month where I teach a DBT skill as it relates to creatives - today was a little preview with radical acceptance. That newsletter will also dive into more clinical concerns creatives face - how medication can mess with our creativity, etc. If this is of interest to you, then click below to join. It’s not on Substack and it won’t be focused on writing, but on creativity in general.
It's always such a little buzz of joy when your missives land in my inbox 🥰
June is truly wonky. ⛅️ Right there with you as I quickly add every book to my list.