The question about "Are you staying together just for the kids?" really made me stop and think (I'm not even married or have kids IRL but boy did it shake me hahaha). It prompted me to -you guessed it- write about and be honest with myself. My writing and my relationship with the craft has changed. I'm still thinking about what I was able to do when I was younger and had lots of time and less responsibilities, when I could devote hours upon hours and writing came easy. It's not like that anymore, but that doesn't mean I want to stop.
Lift the burden of expectations, hoping my writing comes like it used to. Writing is different because I'm different. We might need to go to marriage counseling but I'm willing to make it work.
I really like this inquiry here, how writing is different because you're different. Yes! We often try to make our writing look how it used to look. When we were younger, or had more time. One of the things that makes me grateful to be a writer, as opposed to a dancer, is that I get to be a writer as long as I have my cognition in good order. I was listening to a recent interview with Misty Copeland in the Times and how she's retiring and it hit me how her life is changing in such a huge way, how her body is demanding that she stop dancing on pointe, for instance. The injuries prevent so much. I think about how Margaret Atwood is still producing well into her eighties. Here is the interview: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/06/07/magazine/misty-copeland-interview.html. It's fascinating. I'm so curious to see what my writing will look like forty years from now.
As I embark on my annual "Swedish Death Cleaning" ritual--now that my manuscript is done in a way that ultimately DID bring me joy, I've been thinking a lot about this fabulous essay...And here are a couple of my reflections..
When the story isn't going the way the CHARACTERS want it to (that may only mean something to me?), and you recognize something is "off"--as in the storyline needs to pivot, but you keep going anyway, the writing feels...."wrong"--and it's tedious...and frustrating...and for me, that tells me I need to stop and reflect before I write another word. (It only took me a decade to figure that out.)
But the other thing is that writing is like running a marathon (which I've done)--and by mile 17 you hate every single thing about running--you think that signing up for the marathon was the worst decision you've ever made...but the minute you cross that finish line--all those doubts--all that pain--is something you don't remember as ever having existed...and if you can focus on the fact that you've created something YOU are proud of (irrespective of any wished for outcome)--that's where I think that ultimately, the joy exists.
A huge thanks to YOU for helping me cross the finish line....💙💙💙
I love this! You're dropping all kinds of wisdom here. Marathon and labor metaphors always apply to writing - two things I have thankfully never done, lol, but I hear tell. In both cases, you forget the pain and it's all joy. This is how I feel about my last book, which was a nonfiction (I should say, my last published book). It was so incredibly difficult to write. There were times when I thought I'd lost my everloving mind for thinking I could do it. But when it was done, I was so proud of myself and I love that book so much. I pick it up and read passages and grin. And I love getting emails from readers who are so stoked to meet Virginia Hall (the subject of that biography). And I also realize I did something that no one can ever take away from me. Ever. And as I reflect back on that time, I also must admit that there were many moments of joy throughout. I'm just, by nature, a glass half empty kinda gal and so mostly remember how hard it was. I came out that way. I literally got last rites in the hospital after I was born because I somehow immediately caught pneumonia and they thought I was going to die. Some people might have taken that and become glass half full, but I went the other way and was like, See, death is at your doorstep from Day One. Watch your six. All that to say: being a writer is very much for me about the joy of training, and the joy of crossing the finish line. The actual process of writing a book is very up and down for me. There are highs and lows and I have accepted my fate that I am a writer and need to learn to ride these waves with as much grace and self-care as possible. And when I've got flow and joy, then I grab on and enjoy it as much as I can.
Holy AND Moly--the last rights at hospital--and glass 1/2 full--I could talk to you for HOURs on that little nugget...And I love everything you wrote about how you felt about that book...Ride the waves with grace...as I pitch, I will come back to these words, Heather...likely, again...and again...and again...
I love this so much! You come at it from all the different angles people need to hear. And I love how clearly you call this out: "In many ways, writing is a means to an end—they see writing as a portal into something else they want."
I've seen this in a lot of writers, and it's often a huge red flag for WHY the writing itself isn't feeding them the way it does for some of us. I want to save this, because it's a very well-articulated litmus test to see if you need to have a break, or if you're actually meant for another medium, or maybe other activities entirely!
I do hope it can be a litmus test for some folks. I think it's absolutely healthy to have a gut check. And for some people, just being able to ask the question might be all they need. For others, a bit of time away to see how they really feel might do the trick. I think that sunk cost and the fear of what others might say, and also the dread of losing that possibility of getting those things that writing "might" give them...that's so hard to let go of. For others, I think just letting themselves have permission to let writing be enough, to be the reward.
The question about "Are you staying together just for the kids?" really made me stop and think (I'm not even married or have kids IRL but boy did it shake me hahaha). It prompted me to -you guessed it- write about and be honest with myself. My writing and my relationship with the craft has changed. I'm still thinking about what I was able to do when I was younger and had lots of time and less responsibilities, when I could devote hours upon hours and writing came easy. It's not like that anymore, but that doesn't mean I want to stop.
Lift the burden of expectations, hoping my writing comes like it used to. Writing is different because I'm different. We might need to go to marriage counseling but I'm willing to make it work.
Thanks for the post!! Have a nice day. ❤️
I really like this inquiry here, how writing is different because you're different. Yes! We often try to make our writing look how it used to look. When we were younger, or had more time. One of the things that makes me grateful to be a writer, as opposed to a dancer, is that I get to be a writer as long as I have my cognition in good order. I was listening to a recent interview with Misty Copeland in the Times and how she's retiring and it hit me how her life is changing in such a huge way, how her body is demanding that she stop dancing on pointe, for instance. The injuries prevent so much. I think about how Margaret Atwood is still producing well into her eighties. Here is the interview: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/06/07/magazine/misty-copeland-interview.html. It's fascinating. I'm so curious to see what my writing will look like forty years from now.
As I embark on my annual "Swedish Death Cleaning" ritual--now that my manuscript is done in a way that ultimately DID bring me joy, I've been thinking a lot about this fabulous essay...And here are a couple of my reflections..
When the story isn't going the way the CHARACTERS want it to (that may only mean something to me?), and you recognize something is "off"--as in the storyline needs to pivot, but you keep going anyway, the writing feels...."wrong"--and it's tedious...and frustrating...and for me, that tells me I need to stop and reflect before I write another word. (It only took me a decade to figure that out.)
But the other thing is that writing is like running a marathon (which I've done)--and by mile 17 you hate every single thing about running--you think that signing up for the marathon was the worst decision you've ever made...but the minute you cross that finish line--all those doubts--all that pain--is something you don't remember as ever having existed...and if you can focus on the fact that you've created something YOU are proud of (irrespective of any wished for outcome)--that's where I think that ultimately, the joy exists.
A huge thanks to YOU for helping me cross the finish line....💙💙💙
I love this! You're dropping all kinds of wisdom here. Marathon and labor metaphors always apply to writing - two things I have thankfully never done, lol, but I hear tell. In both cases, you forget the pain and it's all joy. This is how I feel about my last book, which was a nonfiction (I should say, my last published book). It was so incredibly difficult to write. There were times when I thought I'd lost my everloving mind for thinking I could do it. But when it was done, I was so proud of myself and I love that book so much. I pick it up and read passages and grin. And I love getting emails from readers who are so stoked to meet Virginia Hall (the subject of that biography). And I also realize I did something that no one can ever take away from me. Ever. And as I reflect back on that time, I also must admit that there were many moments of joy throughout. I'm just, by nature, a glass half empty kinda gal and so mostly remember how hard it was. I came out that way. I literally got last rites in the hospital after I was born because I somehow immediately caught pneumonia and they thought I was going to die. Some people might have taken that and become glass half full, but I went the other way and was like, See, death is at your doorstep from Day One. Watch your six. All that to say: being a writer is very much for me about the joy of training, and the joy of crossing the finish line. The actual process of writing a book is very up and down for me. There are highs and lows and I have accepted my fate that I am a writer and need to learn to ride these waves with as much grace and self-care as possible. And when I've got flow and joy, then I grab on and enjoy it as much as I can.
Holy AND Moly--the last rights at hospital--and glass 1/2 full--I could talk to you for HOURs on that little nugget...And I love everything you wrote about how you felt about that book...Ride the waves with grace...as I pitch, I will come back to these words, Heather...likely, again...and again...and again...
I love this so much! You come at it from all the different angles people need to hear. And I love how clearly you call this out: "In many ways, writing is a means to an end—they see writing as a portal into something else they want."
I've seen this in a lot of writers, and it's often a huge red flag for WHY the writing itself isn't feeding them the way it does for some of us. I want to save this, because it's a very well-articulated litmus test to see if you need to have a break, or if you're actually meant for another medium, or maybe other activities entirely!
I do hope it can be a litmus test for some folks. I think it's absolutely healthy to have a gut check. And for some people, just being able to ask the question might be all they need. For others, a bit of time away to see how they really feel might do the trick. I think that sunk cost and the fear of what others might say, and also the dread of losing that possibility of getting those things that writing "might" give them...that's so hard to let go of. For others, I think just letting themselves have permission to let writing be enough, to be the reward.
Beautiful! Just Beautiful!
Thanks, Gillian!